Jillian(:

I haven’t been able to snuggle into a just-for-fun book in so long, and I feel like I haven’t actually read something in forever. It felt good to get sucked into the book like I used to. I got so caught up in reading it I just couldn’t stop. I like that feeling. I like when you feel the same emotions as the characters do. When the character gets embarrassed, you think as though it just happened to you too. When something bad happens, you comtemplate on what you would do in that situation as you read, making silent agreements or disagreements with the character as you read.
I love the feeling you get afterward, when you tear your eyes away from the page, stick your bookmark in and throw it fat enough away to not tempt you to pick it back up again. I love when you sit there, the things you just read racing through your mind, and you think. What would I do if I were them? Would that ever happen to me or anyone I know? You think just enough to let you peacefully drift off to sleep and dream again of that book, just to wake up, regret throwing it so far from you, and pick up where you left off as if you never stopped reading, only to put it down when you reach the end.
Books.

but i’m afraid to actually try to make them,

because i have a feeling that i’ll just end up breaking them.

Anyways, happy new year.

Let’s make this a great year.

<3

I’ll stand up with you forever.
I’ll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven.
I am here for you. Please don’t walk away and please tell me you’ll stay.

You tell me you like me, blahblahblah. I can’t tell if you’re serious though. Do you really have feelings for me, of was that just a forwarded message. I wanna like you, I really do, but I just can’t. I’m not ready, I don’t trust you.

then I’m gonna be fucking screwed when school starts up again. Yet another downside to school.
Whoop dee fucking doo.

I don’t mean funny like, laughter. I mean like a weird, mysterious thing.
Where do you go when you die?I mean, yeah there’s heaven&hell or whatever, but are those really places? Or do you just fall into a sleep forever?Is your life actually over when you die, or do you just start a new one somewhere else? I’ll never know the answer to these questions, of course, because the only people that know the answer I can’t communicate with.
Everyone dies at one point, so why do people not live their lives? If you do go somewhere when you die, you’d want to have stories to tell the others, right?
I don’t know why death is on my mind. People have died in my lifetime, people that I would kill to have one last conversation with. Or at least one where they actually talk back.
Ugh end pointless post.

But that’s not true.
Lonliness hurts.
Rejection hurts.
Losing someone hurts.
Everyone confuses these with love. But in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain, and makes us feel wonderful again.

I’m going to dye my hair tomorrow. Not drastically, hopefully. Maybe it’ll turn out good, maybe not. But it’s something new.

Christmas Eve 2007
was not a happy day
for that was the day
that spencer went away

i found out by a phone call
though i thought it wasnt true
then i just checked myspace
and i got some sorta clue

The news was on every bulletin
his face was everywhere
if you didnt know about it
you sure would find it on there

a year ago we lost him
a brother, a lover, a friend
though he will not be forgotten
he’s in our hearts to the end

Every Christmas Eve from then
i’ll remember him and cry
he was so young and wonderful
and didnt deserve to die

I’ve been doing nothing all day, watching TV and being bored. And the difference between doing it alone, and with Nicole and her friends, is wonderful. It was so much fun, yet it was the same exact think it’s been doing all day. Just the fact that i was with other people and talking and laughing made it that much better.

Merry almost christmas eve<3